If you are looking for couples counseling Sherman Oaks, or anywhere in the Los Angeles area, it can be a challenge to put yourself back out into the dating world after the devastation of divorce. Trusting yourself and others can be difficult initially. Your attitude about your divorce will greatly impact the ability to succeed in beginning the daunting search for another relationship, particularly one that suits you at this time of life.
For some, it has been many years since they have faced the single world and working up the confidence to begin again can be tough. You may be filled with self doubt. You may feel too old, too out of style and
wonder about your worthiness to attract a mate. One woman I know had her adult daughter help her to dress for dating and encourage her in a sweet role reversal.
You may feel that you have to fit some mold rather than just being yourself. It can be a time of great insecurity. Although everyone is different, there are some universal concerns.
1) Assess Your Readiness
If you are still grieving the marriage or have not made peace with your present state of being single, there may be some steps that you need to take before moving ahead into the dating scene. You may need group support, with others who are also recently divorced. You may need to reassess your financial state before you put yourself out there. There may be some “cleaning up” that needs to be done. Children may need help in adjusting to having divorced parents and may need special attention for awhile. You may need to speak with a psychotherapist for a brief period. Exploring early relationship dynamics and patterns as well as communication habits can be helpful.
2) Take it Slow
Don’t get involved too quickly as a defense against both the anxiety of your new state and loneliness. Remember that if the other person is healthy, they will also want to take it slow.
3) Be Safe
Remember that if you met someone online, that you do not know this person. Choose a neutral, casual, well lit place for the first meeting and don’t give up all of your personal information quickly. Initial encounters should be fairly casual. Having said that, however, it is o.k. to talk in general terms about what you are both looking for. Marriage, a committed relationship without marriage, friendship, a travel partner or merely casual dating. Keep in mind that you are looking for information that will help you decide whether you should continue.
4) Attend Group Events
Find things that you are interested in and look for singles clubs surrounding those interests. Group events are so much less intimidating than one on one dating. There is no pressure and it allows you time to build
friendships. There are so many wonderful things in which you can become involved. You can travel in a singles group. You can dance, sing (karaoke, anyone?), hike, bike, read (book clubs), volunteer or join a political organization.
5) Talk to People Who Have Some Experience
Go to those who have been doing it for some time and ask what you should look out for. Look for people who have ended up in happy relationships and ask them how they got there. When you are happy and confident you are your most attractive and finally, have fun! This process doesn’t have to be miserable, albeit nerve wracking at times. Happy hunting and don’t forget your sense of humor!